It also means, this time 6 years ago I was officially declared healthy. From anorexia. Bulimia. All those years. 10 damn years. 4 and a half of which in and out of recovery. I was 20, about to start university in a completely different country. I was out of the woods, the worst was over. Did I still have that little voice at the back of my head? Yes. I don't think it's ever going to go away completely. But nonehteless, no more ED clinic appointements, food training, body checks... Recovery was hell. So SO many tears, panic attacks, nightmares. The weight gain, to get back to a normal, healthy weight, that was probably the worst. Except for eating. Seeing the tranformation in the mirror. Eventhough I was weighed backwards- so I didn't see my weight, I still knew. 

And yes, slip ups happens. It's bound to, after having spent 10 years in hell. Some traits are still there. The most importatnt thing is to know how YOU can take control. Don't let it control you. YOU control it. 
That brings me to another dangerous road; when in my sickest state, I full on believed I was in control. Nah, hun, nah. Ana was in full control. And when she wasn't, Mia was. 

 

I'm not ashamed of my past. I embrace it. I'm proud I made it out, beacuse, darling, sometimes people don't. Eating disorders are so deadly. So dangerous. Not at all glamorous. Trust me. I lost a lot of friends along the way. Many coulnd't stand by and watch me slowly starve myself to death. Especially with me being all pro-ana and what not. I don't blame them, it must've been so hard. And I'm so sorry.
I'm forever grateful to my friends who stayed by my side, who came with me to the ED clinic, who kept me company. Who were there for me. And to my family, for everything they did. You all are amazing. 

I can't express my happiness enough. I'm SO happy to be alive. I've experienced SO much stuff in 6 years. More concerts with my faves Simple Plan. Traveling- Paris a "couple" of times, Milan, California (a few times... again), Chicago, Florida (again), and so on ... Conventions! I've met my BIGGEST role model, Sophia freckin Bush (!!!!!!). I've met so many new and amazing friends along the way. If I would've been one of the unlucky one's who didn't make it through, none of this would've happened. To that I thank my amazing therapist at the ED clinic, Jeanette, my nurse at the ED clinic, and of course my lovely friends and family, again.

 

This is a whole mumble of words but my point is- don't give up. Whoever you are. Whatever you're going through. You can pull through. If I can pull through, you can pull through. I believe in you! 

 

xox