National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
As I always address it yearly, I thought it'd be rude not to.
I know my last blogpost was on the same subject, but to my defence I started writing on 3 different posts and believed they were saved but apparently not.
Anyway, back to the subject...
Again, if you're easily triggered please stop reading at this point. And I promise, my blog won't be all about this subject.
I know my last blogpost was on the same subject, but to my defence I started writing on 3 different posts and believed they were saved but apparently not.
Anyway, back to the subject...
Again, if you're easily triggered please stop reading at this point. And I promise, my blog won't be all about this subject.
Many of you know about my past at this point. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud as hell that I made it out alive. It's rare, especially with how sick I was. Not sugar coating it here, it was bad. Those of yuou who knew me back then knows... To this day I don't understand how I survived what I put my body through. I was lucky as hell and I'm so incredibly grateful that I was so lucky.
Eating disorders are a serious matter. Its not just skipping a meal here and there, or exercising a bit too much those two times, or whatever. Its going days, weeks, months of eating nothing but half a ricecake a day, of lying to everyone who cares about you. Its about spending all your money on laxatives, ECA stacks, and your binge-food, just to puke it all up again within seconds. Its about countless sleepless nights, wondering how the hell you're still alive. Its about looking in the mirror and the person staring back at you isn't the person everyone else sees.
Eating disorders are so glamourised these days, but let me tell you, there's nothing glamourous about not eating and/or making yourself sick. It fucking hurts, it's disgusting and it's definitely not enjoyable but yet you cannot stop. You're literally in hell where it feels like nothing and no one can help you.
Imagine this... you're at the eating disorder clinic, having your weekly bodychecks (weight, pulse, blood pressure etc) and your nurse can't find your pulse. She panics and calls the doctor in who attempts it too. When they eventually manage to find your weak, slow and irregular heart rate, its so bad they both get worried. Did this stop you? NOPE.
It's not a game or a phase. It's between life and death.
Eventually, after lots of time spent at the ED clinic, after millions of tears, after all the struggling, you will get better. It IS possible. It just takes a LOT of time and energy, and it takes having a fab support system all around you. But as I've previously spoken about, better doesn't mean cured. It doesn't mean gone forever. Unfortunately. But it'll be managable. You'll learn how to manage and control it. Some days better than others.
Eating disorders are so glamourised these days, but let me tell you, there's nothing glamourous about not eating and/or making yourself sick. It fucking hurts, it's disgusting and it's definitely not enjoyable but yet you cannot stop. You're literally in hell where it feels like nothing and no one can help you.
Imagine this... you're at the eating disorder clinic, having your weekly bodychecks (weight, pulse, blood pressure etc) and your nurse can't find your pulse. She panics and calls the doctor in who attempts it too. When they eventually manage to find your weak, slow and irregular heart rate, its so bad they both get worried. Did this stop you? NOPE.
It's not a game or a phase. It's between life and death.
Eventually, after lots of time spent at the ED clinic, after millions of tears, after all the struggling, you will get better. It IS possible. It just takes a LOT of time and energy, and it takes having a fab support system all around you. But as I've previously spoken about, better doesn't mean cured. It doesn't mean gone forever. Unfortunately. But it'll be managable. You'll learn how to manage and control it. Some days better than others.
One last little thing, actually, it's not little at all. It's quite an important thing. Eating Disordars aren't always physically visible. Eating disorders aren't physical. They're psychological. Someone can appear to be fine, or "healthy" on the outside, but in reality they are slowly killing themselves. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. Don't judge someone based off their looks, EVER. Not just in this case. In every case ever. There are many, MANY types of eating disorders. And remember: men suffer too. My disseration was all about eating disorders in men and it's way more common than you'd think.
If you know someone with an eating disorder, or you think someone you know suffers from one, and they're already in recovery, please bare with them. It takes time... If they're not in recovery already, talk to them and try to get them in recovery somehow. If YOU are the one suffering, be patient, I know it's really frustrating but hang in there, it does get better. If I can do it, anyone can!!
I'd like to take this moment and thank my wonderful friends and family for sticking by me all those years, and y'all still here!! Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to get well and do great things in life. I owe you. I love you loads.
I'll leave you with this Ayn Rand quote as heard in One Tree Hill (that, fyi, is one of my tattoos, well half of it is at least haha, it was too long to have it all so had to cut out the first full sentence)
I'll leave you with this Ayn Rand quote as heard in One Tree Hill (that, fyi, is one of my tattoos, well half of it is at least haha, it was too long to have it all so had to cut out the first full sentence)
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.”
xox